a world full of secrets..

a world full of secrets..
I started reading a book "Kafka on the shore" it was about a man who could talk to cats... well the story was a bit more complicated than that. but it made me think a bit about my own life There is such a big cloud of secrets around me that i have never fully been able to tell anyone. sure i have told bits and pieces to my best friend and probably shared a bit more with my ex boyfriend but hes gone now so there is no one left to share with anyone....

I feel pretty much alone now. today my cat was sitting on my knee and i was thinking how nice it would be if i could talk to her and tell her everything knowing she won't tell anyone. i tried to tell her i tried to tell her something aloud.. and i couldn't say it. It just wouldn't come out of my mouth. i guess im pretty ashamed of what i have become.

I used to be a very pure honest person but since the only person i ever really cared about has droped me i don't feel any reason to try to be pure or even try to be anything, i just don't care anymore. i have stoped respecting myself i have stoped respecting others. I am being fake with people i am being cheap. i just have let myself go. i need to get a grip. pull myself together. purify myself, respect others, stop cheating, stop lying and start being honest again
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# Online seit Sonntag, 24. Januar, 2010 um 17:17

chinese chinese

chinese chinese
i hope my new year will not revolve around chinese. i just feel bored.... i don't know a whole year has passed and everything has changed this day last year i had a dream ahead of me now i have nothing but frost and mist ahead nothing is clear i hate that... i miss my old life which was oh so peaceful and easy.. now i have to sort out my latest dilema... how can i get out of going to cork? i don't want to go i just want to be carefree not lying all the time. everytime i go out i have to lie what kind of life is that. i am just wraped in secrets.......

hopefully the new year brings a clearer path for me to take i just want to live at ease.

oh i forgot on monday i went to Funderland with my ying~~~~ it was lovely i don't wanna ruin that memory.
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# Online seit Donnerstag, 31. Dezember, 2009 um 08:32

broken glass is beautiful

broken glass is beautiful
so everyone has to go home one day.....where does broken glass go home to? well in our house it went into my toot ouch then it was removed thrown into the bin where next? probably a rubbish truck... then after that transferred to a rubbish dump somewhere in the countryside.... poor little piece of glass is going to live the rest of its day in darkness... i wonder if someone found it a 100 years from now could they trace it back to me... i wonder..... how long does DNA stay on an object? and how long does glass take to disintegrate? can someone environmentally friendly tell me???

i know im going pretty deep into a tiny piece of glass... but u know broken glass is beautiful.... and it did prevent me from sleeping last night so i want to praise it lol...

i am deadly serious though
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# Online seit Montag, 07. Dezember, 2009 um 05:27

some play girl i am lol

some play girl i am lol
good thinking bringing a new guy to a small restaurant with not many costomers who know me and my exboyfriend wow how smart am i..............
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# Online seit Donnerstag, 03. Dezember, 2009 um 17:12

hmmmm

hmmmm
These days i am like a ship without a rudder lol. i am going nowhere fast... i don't know where i'm going, what i want or who i want for that matter lol.i just don't know, i'm taking everyday as it comes... the only thing i am doing is putting my heart on my sleeve im not becoming clingy or obsessive with any guy well thats what i hope i don't know how long i can go on like that for lol!!!

i don't know i feel like i should take a single status but instead i don't want to. i want to exploit my freeness and go to and from who i like and please. i sound like a slut but i just want to have fun and not have to commit seriously to anyone. i just want to enjoy the company....
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# Online seit Dienstag, 01. Dezember, 2009 um 16:47